Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
