i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize