apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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