I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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