i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
