well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
