I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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