I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
