Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We left the knife in your bed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
