We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
