It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
