I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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