Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
