What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
