I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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