This is not my ceiling
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
