She said her name was "party"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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