Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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