im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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