"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
