he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
