I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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