I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
