Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
