i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
