got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
