i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize