I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have post one night stand depression
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