his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
