I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
