We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
