do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
