I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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