Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize