More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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