I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
