I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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