and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
where are you?
Hypothermia
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize