I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
