Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize