i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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