Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
