so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
