did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
