if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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