My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
