sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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