if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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