oh god the rape fog is back!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
