Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
