I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
