Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize