i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Everything about him screamed your future.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
