I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
