her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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