That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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