I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We don't watch enough power rangers
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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