lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize