I should be sponsored by Trojan
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
