I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
