i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
