when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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