Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
