I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
