My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
