maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
