first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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