I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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