quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize