I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
