Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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