i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
